The first four were just so easy. Well, until the youngest came too early. I didn't have morning sickness, no stretch marks, just pushed them out...except the last one.
Now, I am experiencing all the norms of pregnancy. I haven't reached the stretch mark stage but, morning sickness is definitely here! I have at least a four hour stretch of nausea. The good news...well sort of, I haven't vomitted. I kind of wonder if I did if I would feel better but, I'm not willing to push the issue. Somewhere around three in the afternoon it eases up. Pretty much wipes out my entire day.
I am also suffering from a daily headache. Which makes it completely impossible to function. I look at my house and I see that there is so much to be done before this baby arrives. I know I have time but, it is overwhelming and at this point I can't even put a dent in it.
Hubby is in England. Lucky man! I can't wait until I get to go. It is all business for him but, man just to look around and experience the food...I would be in heaven.
The youngest daughter has been grounded for awhile. So, she came up with a plan to go hang out after school by telling me she was going to work-out with a friend. The friend bailed so she decided to take the opportunity to go get high for the first time. I received a text saying "I'm high and I'm scared." I went and picked her up. She really didn't enjoy the experience and spent most of the time sleeping it off. I guess I couldn't ask for a better response. Its just frustrating to watch them make these kinds of mistakes.
It seems their father is somewhat out the picture again. The kids say they haven't really spoke to him. I am tired of stepping in and trying to fix things. I can only tell him so many times how important it is to be consistent and stay in contact. It angers me that he does this though. I have no doubt that he loves them but, he gets into his self loathing and figures he is doing more harm than good. I can't stop or change that and I think it is time that I just let go. I just hate for them to slip further and further apart.
Many people believe that I created this situation with him. They haven't seen the years of me paying for the kids to go visit. They don't get that I have done everything I could do to make sure they stay in contact. I spent well over $700 this summer just for the boys to be down there for two months. I don't know what more I can do. Money is getting tighter and tighter and the option to pay for everything just isn't going to be possible anymore. Hubby and I have to provide for them and the new baby. We can't continue to be the only ones dishing money out for visitations. Maybe I did create this because I have always paid for it all and he doesn't see any reason to chip in. He has allowed himself to be stuck in a rut for such a long time. Grr! Why can't he just do everything he can to show them how important they are? Why does that have to be a struggle?
I am worried that when the new baby comes they will wonder if their father ever felt that way about them. And as they see this child grow will their hatred grow because they see how he should have been all these years. Hubby loves them and has tried to do all that he could for them. They have always pushed him back hoping that their daddy would come through. I see them losing faith in him and I hate it. I want so badly for them to feel loved by all of us. I just don't think I can force it anymore.
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