Bigger Bandaid Please

Do you ever feel like you should raise kids to certain age and then hand them off to someone with expertise in that area? I feel like when the kids were younger I was able to guide them. I could put a bandaid on the wound and kiss it better. Now, as the issues are more complex I seem to be struggling to find a bandaid large enough to cover it.
I talk to them about their father. I believe it was the right decision. He wants to live with the belief that his suicide would have little to no effect on them. I want him to hear the fear, anger and panic they feel. I want to destroy his illusion.
At the same time, I have to deal with the raw emotion of it all. I feel lucky that this opportunity still exists. He could have succeeded and then all that pain and frustration would be stuck with no one to hear them. Their cries for their father would go unanswered. Maybe they still will.
I have tried over the years to get him to reach out more to them. It fell on deaf ears. If things continue as they have in the past, I do see him losing them. They are the children and its really not their responsibility to keep this relationship alive. He has to actively participate in that. I just don't see that happening.
My oldest son is so much like him. It scares me to see where his father is now and then look at him and know he could be there one day to. His father has the power right now to teach him that he can overcome those feelings. He can control his life. What if he chooses not to? How to explain to my son that he can do what his father refused to do?
My oldest daughter holds so much anger towards her father. All the years that he didn't stay in contact. He failed to let her know how important she was. Yet, I can see the panic she feels when she thinks he may not be around to fix the relationship. He may never realize how important he really is to her.
All they really want is for him to reach out more. To do good in his life and find happiness. They want him to work to see them. Put forth the effort. But, all they hear tells them their not as important as: dragoncrest, computers, tattoos, etc. Because all these things came before them. Instead of saving money to come see them he spent his money on himself.

So, there is a part of me that hates him. For the damage he has done and refuses to fix. Refuses to take responsibility for and then attempted to bail out on them. He was just going to leave them with this anger and feeling of being not good enough for him. He would have wrote how much he loves them on paper but, they need him to say it to them. They need him to step up and be the parent, fix the relationship. Build the father/child bond. Put them first. I just don't know if that is too much to ask of him.