Today I feel sad. No real good reason. Just woke up that way. I hate that because it is so hard to shake. It is days like this that I just want to sleep it away. Honestly, I have no real reason to feel so sad but, I just want to curl up and cry.
I think dreams set me off. Remind me of my childhood. Then I spend the day looking at my scars and feeling betrayed once again. Which is stupid because I was betrayed. I was violated. However, now I just keep doing it to myself. Allowing it to control my life.
I don't expect it ever to just go away. It would be nice if it didn't bring me so far down anymore.
Days like today I feel like a leaf. No real control over anything. I am just being blown every direction.
The fucked up part of this is in my mind the only way to fix this feeling is to get fucked. Reclaim my body from a stupid fucking dream.
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