Perpetual Victim

I feel like a perpetual victim sometimes. I allow myself to be. I think I just lived in that for so long it comes natural sometimes and I have to remind myself to fight against it.
Its just like when you lived in chaos and suddenly things go calm. You almost don't know how to act. You start looking for ways to create chaos because that's what you are most comfortable with. Same thing.
Onto another topic. I want sex. I want a woman. Not sure why but that seems to be what my body is craving. Its been a long time. A long time since sex and a long time since I have been with a woman. Memories and the images in my head will just have to do.
I don't really feel sexy or sexual right now. It seems like I have to force it. Which doesn't really help.
Thinking of seeing a therapist. I am pissed off all the time. Pissed off with the X because it seems like everything is always someone's elses fault. He is caught up in their bullshit and it just seems to suck him in. He has hurt his son and I think he is clueless about it. Psycho bitch and her knocked-up demon child accused him of impregnanting her and the X stood by and did nothing. Damage was done. He probably should have mentioned that his son is gay! He doesn't really classify himself as that but the only relationship he has ever had was with a boy and he's not a virgin because of that relationship. So...um he probably didn't sleep with this chick.
Or he could of asked him straight up like I did and got the answer..."NO FUCKING WAY!"
Teenagers and broken homes suck. Not sure if I would have stayed with their father that things would have been any different for them. I would have been miserable. I was already there.
I hate that I can't just fix things. I like to fix things.