Vent...Vent...Vent

I am really frustrated these days. Too much going on in my life that i have absolutely no control over and the stuff I do just seems easier to ignore. I watched crazy, sexy cancer the other day and that brought some stuff up for me. Like the promises I made to myself when I was going through chemo that I have failed to keep. Excuses I keep making so I don't have to change. It seems that gratefulness can wear off. I don't know what it will take for me to keep those promises. I have been given what I asked for and yet I take it for granted. Pretty stupid huh?
Youngest daughter has moved back to Illinois to be with the father of her baby. I hate it. I don't think it is a good situation but, I have to let her learn that. I just hope the lesson comes before the baby. It would be nice if all their issues went away but, we all know that just doesn't happen.
My middle son may be a father in April to TWINS! Of course, now the girl claims that my other son could be the father as well. Since they never slept together I don't see how but, hey why not add a bit more drama to the mix.
I wonder if this is payback for not following through on my own commitment. Or maybe I should have never came back here. I missed the people, my family and friends. Then the X had to be involved with the psycho bitch from hell and now my kids are dragged into the drama. I will be out thousands of dollars to prove if these babies are my grandkids. Then if they are I am stuck with these women for a fucking lifetime. That alone makes me want to shoot my head off.
I'm angry. Really angry.

I had a hysterectomy. My baby days are done. I don't really want anymore kids but I hate the finality of it. I hate not having the option.
The Dr. said no sex for six weeks. I haven't really wanted to in 2 years. Apparently, I just needed someone to tell me I can't do something because right now...I WANT IT!
Who knows what it will be when the Dr. gives me the go ahead. I just don't feel sexy.

I need a pick me up.