One thing...

Have you ever thought what your life would be like if you could change one thing or one moment?
When I was pregnant with the oldest, before me and the X got back together, I could have changed my entire life with one decision.
I could have never told him about her. Or...
I could have stayed with the girl who had my heart. Or...
I could have given the baby up for adoption. Or...

The list really goes on and on. But, I wonder would I have been better off? Would I be a little less stressed out? I love my kids but, it is hard. It just never seems to get any easier. I want a break from all the nagging, bickering, lying, stealing, drugs, etc that they seem to get caught up in.

The girl that stole my heart. Really the woman who stole my heart. I was 17 she was 23. Man, I loved her. She was petite like me. Long Brown hair. Beautiful Blue eyes. A contagious laugh. And all she had to do was brush my hair off my neck and I was on fire.
Every moment with her was electric. And then I made this decision that changed everything. I decided it was wrong of me to deny my child her father. I walked away from her into this pit of people claiming I had slept with all these people. Apparently, I didn't know who the father of my child was.
Its funny how people think they know you and make up lies to fill in the gaps of your life they are missing. I was sleeping with someone but, trust me she didn't get me pregnant. I went from this relationship that was accepting, loving, built on trust to this relationship were there was all this uncertainity. An obligation.

I don't know that things would have turned out different. I have a tendency to burn out on people. I simply get sick of them and want something different. I might have thrown her away as well and our friendship would have died. I need her friendship. I am lacking in those. I don't make friends easily. Don't really like people very much.