Fear run rampant...

I went to my OB Appt. on Friday. Considering that most of my children were born before that 38th week, it is considered a premature birth. One came at 38 weeks and to be honest I don't know how that happened. Anyway, they suggested that I go see a doc that specializes in Foetal Medicine. I will be calling them tomorrow.
Several things were discussed during my OB appt. One being putting in a cervical cerclage. That one scares me because it is a bit invasive and the risks are high if it fails. It could set me into labor and cause a miscarriage.
There is another option that I am more open to...weekly injections of 17P Alpha Hydoxyprogesterone. Another shot at this point doesn't seem like that big of deal. I have been injecting myself since July 9th with one drug or another.

The fear of something going wrong is always on my mind. I can't just let go of it. As much as I want to just trust my body to do the right thing...I can't. It has let me down way to often in the past ten years.
I keep thinking of all the things I did in the first four that could have created the early births but, honestly I did try to take care of myself other than the smoking. There was one incident in my first pregnancy that I completely regret now but, I don't think that it contributed to her being born at 36 weeks. I think she came early because of my size and age.
I just don't see a way to make the fear subside. It has taken over. I know that once I feel the baby move around I will feel a little more relieved and when I pass the 24 week mark things will be even better. I just wish it would go faster.

Hubby is also considering some major changes and I think that is adding to my fear. He isn't sure that traveling all the time is what he wants to do anymore. I can't really blame him. He has spent so much of the last four years on the road and missed so many family events. I don't think I want him to miss out on this child growing up. I know that this was the sacrifice he made so that he could support all of us and I am grateful that I have someone that is willing to give so much of himself for the five of us at home. I want him to have options. I don't want him to feel stuck and I think he does.
I told him we should discuss it after the baby is born. We can't really do something that will take away our health coverage at this point. What if the baby needs surgery or is born early? He understands...I think he just wishes that we had more of a back up then what we do.

Overwhelmed...

I think this is my third blog on here...or fourth. I deleted all the others. Had some major issues with them.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed these days. In the next seven months I have:
Four birthdays
A trip back to Kansas (which includes boarding two dogs)
My youngest daughter is going to Walt Disney world for Spring Break with her Choir group.
Christmas
And a new baby.

Even when money is good it doesn't seem like I have enough to cover all the things I need to. Things just seem to occur all at once or over a short span of time.
I'm not really allowed to go out and get a job and no one in their right mind would hire me. I am unpredictable or my children are.
Every job that I have had in the past two years I have gotten crazy calls because my children misbehave at school. I have even received calls from the police that my children were on the roof.
So, I am looking at ways that I can make money from home. I won't be finished with school until August. That doesn't really help the situation now.
The wheels are turning though. I will come up with something.