Woohoo!

Negative!

***does happy dance***

Ugh!

Youngest daughter is late! By about a week. She asked me tonight to run out and buy a PG test, which I refused to do. I will pick it up in the morning though. I can't even imagine what will happen if this teeny tiney girl is. She is barely 5 feet tall and 90lbs. It just doesn't seem feasible for her to have a child.

God, I hope that test is negative but, my gut says prepare for the worst. I will love whatever child is brought into my home. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a mother that thinks its the end of the world when a new life may be coming even if the circumstances aren't perfect. But, it scares me to think of her having a child at this age and with her size.

I just wish they would think things through a bit more. Of course, this has alot to do with her age...they don't think at all sometimes. Like her mother at that age!

The Wee Ones!

This is my wee one. Not even born and I am in love with this child. Probably more so because my other four our getting older. Not needing me so much anymore. Or they need me ways that is more complicated and harder to deal with.

My youngest daughter is now 16! Crazy how time just gets away from you. My father use to look at me and say "I still see a little girl" when I was growing up. I couldn't understand why he didn't see the woman I was becoming. I felt like he lived in denial. Now, I look at her and see a little girl.

She thinks she is ready to take on the world. Making choices that will effect her forever. We discussed unprotected sex today because this is something she has decided to do. Even though she says she never wants children. Its this kind of logic that makes me see that small child.

We had a good discussion about depression. She thought that when someone was depressed they obviously needed to be sad. In reality depression is a more complicated than that. If it was just sadness we would all be able to diagnose ourselves.

There are times in which you simply don't make good decisions because you don't care the outcome. Not really feeling sad...feeling pretty much nothing. It wasn't a hard concept for her to understand because I think she has been battling this monster for awhile now.

We also discussed the ramifications of her getting pregnant. She had that typical teenager attitude that it was her body and it would just affect her. So, instead of reminding her that a new baby would affect everyone...I focused on how it would affect her and her child.

She is a teeny tiny girl. The chances of her carrying a baby full-term right now are pretty slim. She is underweight...due to genetics but, it still poses a threat to a child. She wouldn't be able to give birth vaginally either. Surgery scares her. The potential risks to herself and the child she would be carrying could be long lasting and I don't think that is something she had really considered.

I wish their issues were as simple as lack of sleep, hunger, or needing a little cuddle time. It is hard when you can't simply fix it for them anymore.

A little Tumble...

The dog and I tried to get out of each other's way but, managed to choose the same spot to move to. So, I fell to the floor. Luckily, I didn't go all the way down on my belly and no real harm was done. No spotting, no pain, nothing that significant. A twisted ankle that is a little sore.

Anyway, I was suppose to do a 3D/4D ultrasound next week but, moved it to tomorrow. Just a peace of mind thing. I want to see the little one wiggle around. I also want to know boy or girl? So, tomorrow is the big day.

Sleep Deprivation contributes to RAGE....

Each night I spend the majority going back and forth to the bathroom. I don't settle down easily either. So, every hour and a half I go pee then spend the next 20-30 minutes trying to return to that sweet slumber. By 5:30 am, my bladder is finally empty. Giving me from 5:30 til 9 am to get some much needed uninterrupted sleep.

Monday I was woken up by the girls screaming over clothes. At the ages of 17 and nearly 16 they somehow can't figure out that they shouldn't wear each others clothes. It creates chaos but, no they have reached that level of maturity yet. Instead, it is still "mine, mine, mine!" and "I want what I want."

Tuesday, I was woken up with youngest daughter unable to find shoes. She threw the bigggest fit because she lost her own shoes. Grr!

Wednesday, I spent the from 12 am to 3 am in the emergency room with the oldest. Who had a Pylo infection and was in alot of pain. They gave her morphine and IV antibiotics. We went home in hopes of sleep before I had to get up and get her meds from the pharmacy. At 6 am, the youngest daughter starts texting me how she is too sick to go to school. This is a game she plays once or twice a month. So, I had to force her off to school.

Today, I am once again woken about the shoe issue and then I had to make sure the youngest brushed out his hair. It just seems they are insistent on waking me. I feel asleep at 10 for a much needed nap. When the oldest decides to wake me to see if she can make pudding!

I am so tired I feel physically ill. I am on the verge of tears constantly and all I want to do is sleep but, can't. Every little thing is setting me off. I'm not a pleasant person to be around.

A journey of shots...

This is all the shots that I recorded. Not all the shots I took. But, in the end I got my BFP! Which makes all this worth it.